A small update

I don't have a progress photo to show this week, because I haven't been doing a lot of stitching.

I know I write occasionally about being plump. Mostly, I refer to it fleetingly, but, frankly, the extra weight is becoming a bother. My clothes do not fit properly, I do not feel "cute" anymore, and the capper was, walking the dog a few weeks ago, I had to stop midway up the hill to catch my breath. I don't want to live in fear that I am going to have a heart attack walking through the neighborhood, so I recommitted myself to exercising and joined the gym. Not only does the fact that I am spending money, and I don't want to waste that compell me, but I have realized that I tend to goof off when I exercise outdoors. I don't walk, I amble. Being inside focuses me, and I need that.

I had my fitness evaluation last week. One thing I can say, when they tell you you are obese at the gym, it doesn't sting so bad. They don't whisper it; they just say, "You are considered obese." I prefer that; there is something about having that word whispered to you that just makes it worse. We can pretty much all see I have a weight problem, including myself; after all, I do buy my own pants. No need to whisper it, but doctors have. It's an odd thing. They're a lot blunter with drug addicts. But, then again, maybe it's to try to be kind, since most large people's experience with being reminded that they're fat has either included an obscenity including our butt or calling us a fat female dog, or, in my particular case, being asked in the checkout line if I was planning on eating "all that" tonight, when I was purchasing a lot of food because we hadn't grocery-shopped in a month. That was a little rough; I think it hit me when I got out to the car, and by the time I got home, upset, it made Left-brain FURIOUS. He of course wanted to go back to the store and deck the guy, mumbling words like, "If I'd have been there . . . ". I had to point out to him that things like that DON'T happen to fat people when they're with large, physically-imposing people. They only seem to happen when we're vulnerable. But he can't be with me all the time, and I'm tired of it, so I don't want to be this way anymore.

I'm not in great physical shape. I knew that. I have a far, hard path to tread. The trainer said I do have motivation, and that is a good thing. When I walked out of there, I thought for a minute about going home and cocooning, but I decided to go walk on the treadmill instead. In the end, it was a better way to deal with the stress.