Starts and stops and civil wars!

Thank you all for the lovely comments about Katie's party, and the wishes for her turning 1. It's hard to realize it's been a year, but I think the real adventure starts now! We're in the middle of either a "wonder week", reaction to her 12 month shots, or teething this week, or all three together. It's been . .  fun, to say the least.

I'm starting to be able to stitch more these days. When I'm not removing the Christine scissors from within the reach of tiny hands, or rescuing a bag of floss from her (or removing the paper band from her mouth), stitching is more relaxing.  I pulled out the WIP of our hands a few weeks ago, and finished a page and a half.

This photo doesn't do this justice. It's a beautiful picture. It takes me back to those first few weeks of her life. I really think about last summer as a magical time, us holed up in the house (since you can't use sunscreen on babies til they are 6 months old and some people freak about exposure to other people, I did change her diaper in a Walmart bathroom at 12 days old, surely that gave her some immunity, right?), just getting to know each other. I didn't have to share her with the world. And we spent time watching the Olympics, it was just a wonderful time to be with her. I've missed those days. I hope to have this picture done by the time she's two, which is doable if I can keep up this pace!

I also started a project I've had kitted up for a few years. One of the benefits of being broke, to be really honest, it's a blessing, is that I've been forced to stitch what I have and not aquire more stuff. Which is a good thing because, frankly, between all the large baby stuff, the stuff I already had, the books, baby clothes and tires we have, there isn't room for more. And I just love this little kitten by Pamela Kellogg.

I started him the night a wind event came through Central Maryland and took out a garage by my old commute, along with some trees. They said it wasn't a tornado. It looked pretty close to one by my calculations, but I'm not an expert.  This helped take my mind off the tornado warning and trying to make sure that I had the dog and baby close by, ready to run into our bathroom. Of course, now that I think about it, that bathroom is not safe--it has a glass shower stall, not the best place to duck and cover. I should revise this plan, right? Anyway, I like this little guy. My plan is to have him installed on a large stocking for myself. That was why I didn't leave a lot of room on the sides, but I may change my mind and pillow-ize him. He's adorable, from an old Cross-Stitcher from 1999, called "A Kitten For Christmas."

I also started this project a couple days ago. It was another kitted-up project from stash, by LHN. The name escapes me now, but it's a commemorative piece for the Civil War. Last week was the 150th anniversary of Gettysburg, and I don't want the occasion to pass, unnoticed. We live less than an hour from the battlefield, and both Crazyville and the town that I grew up in had troop activity during the war. My hometown moreso than here, but that town was also closer to Washington and near several Potomac River crossings, and it was necessary to have troops there to head off an invasion, since the people of my hometown area were of Southern sympathy. The war defined a lot of the terms we used growing up. My home county is either upcounty or downcounty. No Northern or Southern (kind of ironic as the downcounty, Southern area were Union sympathizers, upcounty folks fought for Virginia).  My great-great-grandfather, though, was Union through and through, fighting for Pennsylvania and fighting at Gettysburg before going home to marry his beloved Fronie, mother of the Kate in whose honor Kaydence is named. Anyway, we chose not to even try to go up to Gettysburg this past weekend, because it was packed with people for the anniversary, but it didn't feel right to not celebrate it, not when my ancestor's military service caused him to leave the Mennonite church; they objected to him recieving a pension, and he told them they didn't do the fighting for him, they weren't going to tell him how to spend the money he earned for that service and became a Lutheran. So I found this and I started it. It's a big piece, but I think it will stitch pretty quick, and be a nice tribute to so many lives lost in battle.

I did finish something. It's a small Dimensions kit, in the Kid Quotes line. I've had it for at least 4 years, and just decided to do it. It comes with a little cardboard frame, I just have to have time to get it into the frame.

It's all backstitch. Nothing fancy, and I got it done in a day, but sometimes a quick reward, no big deal project is what you need to get your mojo working. And this did it for me.

So that's all I have for today. It's been a busy time around here lately, hopefully it will slow down! A bit, not too much, though!

A year has passed, 12 months of fun

We celebrated Someone Small's birthday last weekend. A year ago, she looked like this, poor little scrap of person, all yellow and little. What a difference a year has made.

Beazer dressed up for his sister. He says, "Only fors today, and only because she is my sister." I have to say, he looks astonishingly good in hot pink.

She shared her smash cake with her big cousin. They are best buddies.  He is the same nephew who, when asked what he would teach the new baby, said, "I'm not teaching Baby H anything", but oh, how he's changed. He would have made an awesome big brother, but he's the youngest, so he gets to be the big cousin. Kaydence is so blessed.

She didn't go all out on her cake. She is very dainty, she just tasted icing.  And she got overwhelmed with the sticky and started flinging cake and icing. Left-brain was noticeably twitching, and ran her back to our bathroom for a hose-off.

The pretty guest cake (cause who wants to eat a cake after little hands have gone to town?). I was very happy with it. It was made by a local bakery, who I can highly recommend for anyone in this area.They had a small picture to work with to do the puppy, but still did a good job. And it tasted so good--almond cake with cannoli cream filling!  They were a little expensive, but it made me feel like a rich woman to be able to provide this lovely cake.

Beazer got some, too. It's some tradition in Left-brain's family. Poor old guy.  Though he was a bit livelier for a few hours.

This was for her pinata. Because it's not a children's party if at least one of the activities doesn't put someone at serious risk of an ER trip.

She helped her big cousin take a whack. 

And proudly showed off the spoils. 

And then engaged in a chase around the yard with her aunt. That flash of orange in her left hand? It's a gumball. She picked it up and would not put it down.  Even in the chase. Even when she fell. She loved it. She was COMMITTED to it.

Needless to say, we all took a good long nap on Sunday. Our AC broke during the party, but we didn't notice til Sunday. Now that is a party! Left-brain fixed it, by calling on his vast circle of friends in "the trades". And believe me, that makes me happy.

It's been a year that has not been the easiest for our little family. Financially, we've had some really hard blows, that have turned into lessons for good. I always thought I didn't need to shop at thrift stores or the lower price grocery stores, and now I see I was just throwing money away; the stuff is just as good and less expensive. I learned about the library; we go there all the time now and I love it. I've learned to set pride aside, set my wants aside, and learn what is really important. And I've learned, much to my benefit, to be grateful for the kindness people show. I am so lucky that so many people care about my daughter, whether it was a small gift of socks or a book for her, or gift cards that came in handy when funds were tight, or even asking me about her and indulging a proud mama for a second. I hope to teach her to care about others and share when she can, because others cared about her. Our little party was my chance to, in a small way, thank the ones closest to us for what they gave us--love and help--but it's not the end of my appreciation. Or Kaydence's.

Still here, still trying

I haven't been around much. We've been getting ready for Someone Small's first birthday, which is in a week and a half. Left brain rehabbed our deck in preparation for the festivities--the deck on the house is the original one and needed a lot of repairs. It had been damaged in Hurricane Irene when a branch came down on it, and it wasn't baby-proofed. He repaired it and expanded and added a place to put a little swing for Someone Small. We looked at new furniture, but decided that we're not spending more on the couch for outside than he spent on the couch for the inside and we'll put off that purchase.

And then the above picture happened. Thursday morning, terrible storms rolled through Crazyville. Left-brain was home, because they'd forecasted a derecho, and we didn't want to have the baby in daycare and both be stuck down-county and unable to get home to get her. He said it just turned black and descended. Quarter-sized hail, terrible winds, and this fell. It missed the deck, thank Goodness, but took out our back fence, and our bird-feeder (it's still standing, obviously, but it was sunk in the ground with concrete, and that's cracked and two of the birdfeeders had to be replaced). Left-brain said he stood, watching the cars out the front window, worried sick. None of them got damaged, surprisingly, blessedly; our friends can't say the same, their brand-new minivan (hadn't even made a payment) has so many dents in it, it's not fixable and will probably be totalled. Our roof is apparently badly damaged, and needs replaced, since there are holes in the shingles, the flashing around our skylights is toast, and there are holes in the gutter guards and screens.  There are also some big trees that need to be removed because one of these days, we're not going to be so lucky with them missing the house. And that would suck.  My tomato plants are pretty badly battered, but we'll just have to take a wait and see with them if they recover. It figures, I was proud of them and they were surviving.

The adjuster is supposed to be out looking at it today.   Left-brain did finally say we'd put in a real garden next year at the side of the house. It's going to be a project to rabbit-proof it, but if the fence needs replaced, we might as well try to fence it in. All this is not what we need right now, not when I start working from home on Friday, and with the party next week, but it is what it is. We can't have that fence down, can't have holes in the roof.
I did start a new project, a design from an old magazine, called "A Kitten for Christmas," by Pamela Kellogg. I plan on mounting it on a stocking for myself, but that may change. It's a lot of color changes, but I'm finding it moves quickly.

So that's what's up in Crazyville. After the birthday, I'm hopeful things will slow down for the summer. Fat chance, right?

My hazel thumb

Growing up, my parents grew daffodils. Exclusively, daffodils. Thousands of daffodils. They grew so many, the neighbors have started going in their yard, digging up the bulbs and stealing them. I am not kidding you. Who does that?

My grandmother grew peonies. We apparently bought them for her as Mother's Day gifts over the years, and they line the walkway to her house. She was fiercely protective of them. No one got a cutting from them. I asked my mom if I could have a cutting off one for my house. She gave me a dirty look and said no. But they were a gift from me!

When I got disposable income, I bought tulips for the house. And lavendar. Apparently tulips are not easy to grow, but there are lots out in front of my gramma's house. Not in the organized manner I thought to put them in. One year I had this wild idea to do the colors of the Maryland flag, in rows. Gramma planted them while I was at work, mixing in the yellow and white and red and deep purple/black with fuschia ones. Oh, yeah, looks good. I sought solice in my tulip bulbs after she died--the night after I came home from the funeral, I planted some. It was cold and probably confusing to see me outside in the twilight, digging holes and sticking bulbs down, but my family let me alone. I think I radiated the need to make something beautiful after seeing my family destroyed in an instant. They're still there, they still grow, they've been thinned by the squirrels, but are still there.

At our house, I planted more tulips (I am ashamed to say I didn't plant any this fall), and some gladiola bulbs from Walmart, and more lavendar, along with crocuses. I also tried planting things in pots. I am not a pot gardener, apparently--is that a good or bad thing, I get so confused--because my potted plants have not done so well. The gladiola are OK, the tulips are fine, the crocus grows, the lavendar died. I told Left-brain we have poor soil. Since the house was a rental house before he bought it, no one really took care of the yard and nurtured the soil, and all it grows well is rocks. If we are stuck here, (one of these days, I'll post an explanation about that) that will become a project.

But the one thing I want to grow is food. Our yard is not set up to have a veggie garden. The back yard is shaded and is the domain of Beazer. And rocky. Plus, we have a rabbit warren in the bushes along side the fence and I didn't want to do anything that would encourage them to come into the "Backyard of no Return" (it pains me to admit my dog does and has been know to kill small animals, but, I mean, he's a dog, and a terrier, it is his mission in life). And our front yard is the bunny superhighway. I attempted to plant tomatoes in the ground, and what the bunny didn't eat, just up and died. What I planted in the topsy turvy, got sheared off at bunny-level. At the end of the season, Left brain asked me what I wanted to do with the Topsy Turvy.  I told him to chuck the dirt in the swamp and toss the Topsy Turvy, what a waste. 

But I crave a garden. When we look at houses, I look for room for a garden. It's not about a great kitchen for me, it's about the garden!  Left-brain looks at me funny, knowing I am not one to be out there with a shovel, digging up dirt, but he listens and pays attention. All I want in a house is a front porch (or a back one), enough bedrooms for a sewing room, and room for a garden. 

So I planted this year. And I realized that our stoop is perfect tomato climate. Sunny for most of the day, and, although our bunnies are brave, they are not coming up on the stoop. And so I have 15 tomato plants, a pepper plant, and an herb garden in pots up there. Initially, I felt like a goober for planting stuff out front--for some reason, I picked up the notion the front yard is for pretty, the back is for everything else--but they're growing and, seriously, who cares? they've survived longer than the ones in prior years. I may get some salsa by the end of summer.  Or at least enough 'maters to serve with sliced mozzarella.

Good luck to us all with our planting.

A prayer has been answered

One of the things I've been battling with over the past year is my career. Prior to becoming a mom, I was very pro-work. I draw a lot of my self-worth from my work performance, I do a lot of my socialization at work, and, let's be real, I like earning my own money and not having to answer to Left-brain for the money I spend. But my past choices made it so that I couldn't afford to work near the house, and so, since September, I've been getting up at 5:30, leaving the house by 6:30 to drop the baby off at daycare so I could get to my job at 8AM, then leaving my office at 5 or 5:30 to get home by 6:30 or 7. Unless I work my part-time job, and then it's 9 or 9:30.  And do it over again the next day. Not working was never an option, since I provide our health insurance, and taking a paycut to work closer was not an option (Necessity has now made me really awesome at understanding insurance lingo, asking the right questions, getting receipts and keeping track of outlay of money, one of the few blessings of this entire past year). But it's meant that Babygirl gets parented by her father for most of the week, and that cuts me, deep down. Not because he's not a good dad, my husband is an excellent father and he takes awesome care of her, but because I wanted to be able to be there for her. She crawled for her dad first, and I was jealous, I'll admit that. It's been hard to go from being the mom who totally was responsible for everything to handing her over to daycare that first day and letting someone else care for her to feeling like my only contribution to her is reading to her at 5AM because that's the only time I have to give her. So I have been praying, desperately, for something to happen to get us out of this situation. I'll be honest, I was thinking in terms of winning Powerball, but something better happened.

I've been given a chance to work my same job, but from home (OK, winning $650M on the Powerball would be better, but that ain't happened, so this is more realistic). I start at the end of June. I'm still in a bit of a daze, not sure how this happened, because it came so quick, but it's a tremendous blessing. Financially, my benefits are cheaper, and I won't have 500 miles' worth of gas to purchase a week, so that alone puts $100 more in my hand per paycheck. I won't have to haul the baby out in the snow in winter. She is still going to daycare, I was adamant with Left-brain about that, because that's not professional, but I got in a minor fender-bender in February on the way to work, and my fear is that I'll do that with the baby in the car one of these workdays. At least this way the risk is less. And I'll have more free time to invest in being a parent that I didn't have before, a win-win for me. AND, now that I have my sewing machine up, I can work on that during my lunch hour. I also wanted to be able to be more present in my community, and that's finally a possibility.

I made a promise to myself not to squander this gift I've been given. I am really starting to put things in their perspective on the whole anyway--work is no longer my life, its primary role in my life is that it gives me money to provide for my family, but it's not the be-all and end-all, because a job can be taken in a second--but this gives me a real second chance, and it comes at a time when I need and appreciate it. Hopefully, I can blog a bit more--I realized I have been sadly absent from this blog for most of the year, but then again, there are weeks when I feel sadly absent from my life in general, and that has got to change.

Catching up

I wanted to thank you guys for wearing green on Friday. It means the world to me.  We were not able to release balloons. Someone Small, her father and I were on our trip to Assateague, a break I dearly needed. I didn't want to release balloons in case they fell back to earth in the park or out at sea. So we sat on the beach a little after dawn, and said a prayer for Logan, and we sang a little bit for him. And we told him we'd remember him and help his mama fight. It was a privilege to have him in our lives, even from afar. And I have learned that every day with my child is precious and a gift. I get it now.

The little trip itself was a pleasure. To look at the island now, at least the state park on the northern end, it's hard to see the damage from Sandy. There is a lot of sand piled up on the dune crossings and the dune fences are damaged, but really, that's not a big deal. The grass will grow back, the sand will go back down, the island will survive. The ponies were not around. I don't know if it's because spring seems to be on high delay here in Maryland and it's been so cold they hang out in the forests, or if the new rules the state put in place to discourage people from "ruining" them are helping. I don't know what it is with people, but they think just because they're small and pretty, these ponies are tame. I guess they never see the photos of the stallions fighting? Because I can't imagine any other reason you would put a small child on the back of a feral stallion bareback without a bridle. DUMB DUMB DUMB. Only now that will cost you $100, so people are maybe stepping back on their interaction, and not feeding them, so there isn't as much incentive to come through the campground. I know, I have pictures of them in our camp, but we don't pet them, and usually just move things out of their way. and we don't feed them. But we took leisurely walks, I told Someone Small the story of Misty of Chincoteague, how the story got made into a book, and how Mummy petted Stormy  when she was a young girl and Stormy was very old. When she's older, we'll read the books, but this was for introducing her to my favorite place.

I even brought a stitching project. I have finished 3 projects since the beginning of April. All are small, but that's fine. Left-brain and Someone Small went "downy ocean" on Mother's Day, so I was all by myself and started the Cricket Collection's Sophia's Scottie mitten freebie for her in my spare time. In case you're wondering, 11 months of up at 5:30AM has set my internal alarm so well, I couldn't sleep past it just because she was not there, so I used that time to stitch. I don't know if it's good to work on her second year Christmas ornament when I haven't done her First Christmas one, but I have plans to do that one for her, too, soon. I like this ornament, though. It's pretty and a pleasant stitching experience.

We came home on Friday, because some stuff went down at my office while I was gone.That was unpleasant, but when I got home, my 2014 BH&G calendar was waiting for me. It's a lot nicer than the last two years have been. I think I found 6 designs that, given time to stitch, I could do.  I am glad I am keeping it, because Kaydence got a hold of it and bent it for me.   As we say to her, "UH OH."  Oh well, it's a nice calendar. The December design is by Joan Elliott, the Halloween design is really cute, and there is a fall design of a farm I like. I may not be able to stitch them now, but all in good time. I'll try to post pictures, but, in the meantime, if you see it and like the whimsical, pick it up!

So that's all for now. Hopefully the next post will be a picture post. I'll try to do that in the next couple days, but I have a bunch of tomato plants and an herb garden to try to plant before they die.

RIP Logan

I wrestle a lot with how much to post on here that is child-related, since I realize that not everyone cares to hear about other people's children, but I felt compelled to write this post today. If you don't think it's something you want to read, I get it. Come back next post. I have some exciting stuff to share!

Before I had Babygirl, I joined an online community so that I could meet other new moms, and maybe not feel so alone in being a parent. It has been a good experience, but, along with the joys we share as moms, we also have to deal with the hard stuff. Not all babies are born at 40 weeks, not all babies are healthy, not all babies live to be toddlers, and sometimes love isn't enough. I have been blessed beyond what I deserve to have a healthy child, and I realize how precious and wonderful a gift that is every day.

One of the children in the community was named Logan. He was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy, the number 1 genetic killer of children under the age of 2, in November. His mother created a bucket list for him, came up with a palliative care plan, and loved him. She wanted SMA to become one of the illnesses they test for, so that no parent has to deal with this. Our group rallied around them as best we could.  Logan wore green on his birthdays, so we started wearing green to show our support. When people found out how the medical bills were affecting the family, they set up a way to donate, and to buy green shirts, so that we could educate about SMA. I bought Babygirl one to wear, even with money being tight, I wanted to help the family. I knew, from knowing Cole through the 123 message board, that Logan wouldn't win this fight, but at least he fought valiantly.

He died on Saturday. When I found out, I cried. Because it's not fair. How cruel is a disease that attacks the smallest? How fair is it to give a mom enough time to fall in love with a baby, to dream dreams of their future, and then rob the baby and the family of that future? I know, if it were me in that place, I don't know how I'd pick myself up and live.  And am I selfish to take pleasure in my baby's milestones, when Logan will never get to run and play?  I've been grappling with this this week. 

Logan will be buried on Friday. As a memorial, as part of us standing up to SMA, we moms are going to dress our children up in green. Some will release green balloons--I'd love to, but it's not possible. So I'll dress her up in her Logan shirt, and I'll take her picture, and send it for a book that's being put together to show Tia, Logan's mom, just how much of a difference her beautiful boy made in the world. So I'm asking you, my readers, would you consider wearing green for Logan?  I know it's a lot to ask, and it's OK if you don't, but I wanted to ask.
 Logan's page