11 July 2011

A small update

I don't have a progress photo to show this week, because I haven't been doing a lot of stitching.

I know I write occasionally about being plump. Mostly, I refer to it fleetingly, but, frankly, the extra weight is becoming a bother. My clothes do not fit properly, I do not feel "cute" anymore, and the capper was, walking the dog a few weeks ago, I had to stop midway up the hill to catch my breath. I don't want to live in fear that I am going to have a heart attack walking through the neighborhood, so I recommitted myself to exercising and joined the gym. Not only does the fact that I am spending money, and I don't want to waste that compell me, but I have realized that I tend to goof off when I exercise outdoors. I don't walk, I amble. Being inside focuses me, and I need that.

I had my fitness evaluation last week. One thing I can say, when they tell you you are obese at the gym, it doesn't sting so bad. They don't whisper it; they just say, "You are considered obese." I prefer that; there is something about having that word whispered to you that just makes it worse. We can pretty much all see I have a weight problem, including myself; after all, I do buy my own pants. No need to whisper it, but doctors have. It's an odd thing. They're a lot blunter with drug addicts. But, then again, maybe it's to try to be kind, since most large people's experience with being reminded that they're fat has either included an obscenity including our butt or calling us a fat female dog, or, in my particular case, being asked in the checkout line if I was planning on eating "all that" tonight, when I was purchasing a lot of food because we hadn't grocery-shopped in a month. That was a little rough; I think it hit me when I got out to the car, and by the time I got home, upset, it made Left-brain FURIOUS. He of course wanted to go back to the store and deck the guy, mumbling words like, "If I'd have been there . . . ". I had to point out to him that things like that DON'T happen to fat people when they're with large, physically-imposing people. They only seem to happen when we're vulnerable. But he can't be with me all the time, and I'm tired of it, so I don't want to be this way anymore.

I'm not in great physical shape. I knew that. I have a far, hard path to tread. The trainer said I do have motivation, and that is a good thing. When I walked out of there, I thought for a minute about going home and cocooning, but I decided to go walk on the treadmill instead. In the end, it was a better way to deal with the stress.


kimstitch3 said...

praying for you sweetie. I too have dealt with this most of my life. My parents used to pay me to clean my plate. well I don't have that problem today, I eat too praying you can keep up with the working out and eating right and you start feeling better soon. Remember beauty is only skin are a beautiful girl no matter what, because you have a good heart.((hugs))

Julie M said...

I'm right there with you Rachel. Ultimately my weight is why I decided to go ahead and have my surgery. My ankle kept me from exercising and all I have done for the last 3 years is gain weight. Enough is enough. Good luck to you on your journey and please keep us posted.

valerie said...

Good luck with your fitness regime. I cleaned out a closet yesterday and found 2 cute skirts I want to fit into and hung them in plain sight. That will be the motivation to get myself to the gym. I hate the gym! lol

Mother of Mayhem said...

Rachel, if you stay as determined with your workouts as you are with your stitching, you will achieve your goals!

It never ceases to amaze me what rude comments that total strangers will say! Both of my children are thin like my husband's side of the family and a lady actually said to me that it was good that they didn't take after me! I am short and overweight! (I like to say I am vertically and horizontally challenged!) Please keep us posted on your progress!
Karen in Maryland

Meari said...

Good luck with getting shape! :) You can do it.

I've been contemplating the same thing, as my clothes are fitting well anymore. I've gained about 15 lbs in 7 months. I just downloaded an app to my iPod last night that counts the steps I take and comes up with challenges for me to accomplish, and even maps out my neighborhood for challenges to get virtual awards. It's kinda cool. That's the free part of the app. There's a pay part that calculates how many calories a person burns, and some other stuff too.

Nancy said...

I have the same problem. It's hard to diet and I am so out of shape that it's embarassing. I applaude your drive! It sounds like you are off on the right foot to accomplishing your goal!

Siobhan said...

Good for you!! I have struggled with my weight all my life. Last week I had a bunch of DH's family here for a BBQ, seeing a cousin I hadn't seen in 24 years and SILs, etc. I didn't wear my capris because I was afraid that if I sat down, my pants would explode and the flying buttons would impale somebody. My SIL, who wasn't too heavy to begin with, began a diet last January and she walked in and omg--I am so happy for her but soooo jealous for me. So, I've been working on it, too. Salads for lunch, and my daughter and I are putting a cut up lime into a 3 gallon jug of water and keeping it in the fridge. It tastes good and helps us up our water intake. As for the things that people say to people, I could tell you horror stories. It's crazy, because have you ever said to somebody, "Gee, you are really ugly!"?? It is shocking what people say. My favorite is, "But you have such a pretty face.". Talk about a back handed compliment.

Anyway, best of luck!!

Pumpkin said...

Good luck Rachel. I know you have the drive and have faith that you can take control! Just remember, it's not only physical exercise but what your diet consists of as well. Of course it doesn't help as we get older ;o)

I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped--Frederick Perls