29 December 2013

Been a long time

I think this is the longest I have gone without a post since I started this blog in 2006.

Fall was not easy here in Crazyville. We've been dealing with a lot of things. It started out with some manner of a cold about the last time I posted, and I ended up getting terribly sick. I spent Halloween and the three days after in bed, with the worst sore throat I've ever had, and terrible sinus congestion. It . . .maybe ruined is not the right word, severely messed up my birthday dinner, and that was the end of my willingness to tolerate this illness.  In case I haven't made it clear in the past, I loathe going to the doctor for any reason, so for me to break down and go to the Urgent Care, it was a big deal, but I was worried I had strep throat, or pneumonia, and so I went. It ended up being bronchitis, but it was a few more days that I was out of commission.

And then I realized it was getting closer to Christmas and I didn't have nearly enough money for gifts. So I have been working like a dog since then. Lots of hours at the theatre, and overtime as much as I can. I  managed to book 131 hours of work between the 8th of December and the 23rd. And that was just that paycheck. I've been doing this, full-tilt, since the beginning of last month. I am exhausted. I decided I will not put myself in this position next year. December flew by and there weren't the moments of bliss I was working so hard to enjoy. We had terrible weather, and, by the time we could get the Christmas tree, it was December 21st, and we had to go to a treelot and slog through mud . . . with a toddler. But we supported Mr. Trevor, the local farm market, with the purchase, so it was worth it.  We did decide, though, we are not buying live trees anymore, at least not large ones. We can buy roping to give the house the holiday smell, and will buy an artificial tree--Left-brain gets twitchy at the mess and I am tired of being at the mercy of the weather to go get the tree. And of being scheduled so tightly that it's hard to find the time to do the things that make the season fun.

Our Christmas was pretty nice. I was spoiled. Left-brain bought me two new charms for my charm bracelet, and some longjohns--our house is freezing, so I need them. My mom bought me a beautiful red purse; I've never had a colored purse before, but I wear so much black and white these days for work at the theatre, I wanted a pop of color. And my aunt surprised me with a large bottle of Penzey's vanilla. I found this stuff two years ago, and have been using it exclusively ever since for my baking, and you can really taste the difference, but I hoard it because I'm afraid to run out. Now I can bake!  Someone Small made us an ornament of her fingers shaped like snowmen. So cute. I know why my mom treasured the stuff we made in school. But I do wonder what she thinks when they do these projects in school. Can you imagine the conversations between the kids: "Do you know why they keep mashing our hands against these balls?"  "I don't know, but they do it ALL THE TIME and then we have to wash our hands." "Adults are crazy."  "You got that right?"

This is normally the time of year I assess my stitching year. I don't know what to say about 2013. I had more finishes than I listed, but I forget when I did them, so can't add them to my list. So I am not happy about my lack-a-daisical approach to that. But, in a way, even having one finish is a victory in a year where I was still acclimating to motherhood, transitioning to a new job, and really doing a lot of self-reflection and setting new goals for myself. I've got some progress photos to show on new projects, have made some plans for next year. I will try to post those between now and New Years, if the computer acts right.

As for what I'm going to do next year, first and foremost, I'm getting myself together. I know I say that every year, but it's now to the point where I NEED to make some manner of change and make it soon. All the weight I lost after the baby came back and I am angry at myself about that. I need to get my financial house in order, as well as my physical house. 2014 is the year I really want to blossom into a woman Someone Small can be proud of having for a mom, I feel like this is a time when I can reinvent who I am into who I want to be, but there is all this debris and self-doubt, both physical and mental, and I have to get rid of that.

1 comment:

Meari said...

Hope you're feeling much better now. Good luck with your 2014 goals... and I am sure you're the woman your little one is proud of!

I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped--Frederick Perls