17 May 2010

2010: the year of change

Saturday, I said goodbye to one of the best bosses I've ever had. She is a young mother, newly married, with the most adorable little girl ever. I only worked with her part-time, and so we didn't have a normal boss-employee relationship. Yes, we talked about work and had serious discussions about the future of our employer and our concerns for how we're positioned in the market, but she was also someone I could talk to about transitioning into marriage, and that it feels wierd to go from single, independant, self-focused person into a partnership where it's putting someone else's needs first. She understood the frustrations of planning a wedding and having to deal with everyone's input. We could joke around, and look at pictures of cake online and drool together. She brought her 2-year-old to work all the time. Norah showed me her knee, once she figured out where her knee was. She loved to look at puppy (pronounce pah-py) videos on You-tube. We had a group love affair for donuts. But she wanted to go home to the Midwest. She needed to be home, and, although most of me understands that, because I feel the same about Maryland, it was still, "Oh, crap, it's another change."

I'm noticing a trend with this year. Change. Maybe I've been dense the last 33 years and just didn't notice things were different--it feels like I just woke up one morning with wrinkles and grey hair--but I notice that life is changing more and more these days. I've never handled this type of thing well, probably left over from growing up in a small town, where everything stayed the same all the time. It can be overwhelming.Part of me just seems to want things to hold still. Even the good changes. I won't ever really be content til I know they're "good" and that's hard.

I'm trying so hard to work on this. Other than work, I've never had a change that was bad. Even the things that changed in a way I didn't like, always ended up OK. And I know everyone feels like things take time to get used to. And I am working to put aside my fear. To be brave. To accept that life is not static.

I almost called out sick on Saturday because I didn't want to say goodbye. But that would have been wrong, so we joked and chatted all day. Before I left, I told my boss I appreciated her. I held Norah, she showed me where her knee was, and we looked at pictures of dogs on blogs--she LOVES Diane Williams' Golden Retriever ("Pah-pies, pah-pies," she said), and she was laughing at Pumpkin's dog. At the end of the day, I gave my boss a hug, and I told Norah to "stay Southern, don't let them change you, girl, no matter what. You're one of us." I hope she remembers that. And I hope I faced change with grace.


Bette said...

Not only do things change but they change so fast. Life seems to be just whizzing by. I still think of myself as a girl in my mid-twenties and here I am an overweight middle-aged woman. But you seem to handle things with grace and humor and that will take you far in this world.

Kathy A. said...

Sounds to me like you handled the loss with a great deal of grace.

Pumpkin said...

Change is hard but at least you'll have lasting memories. That's the way I see it :o)

Glad Norah enjoyed silly D-Dog ;o) LOL!

I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped--Frederick Perls