Totally off topic, but I think I've been thinking too much about this wedding.
I'm having dress anxiety. There is a dress I really love. I have not tried it on, because I am a great large fat person, and they do not have sample sizes that fit a great large fat person. DO NOT get me started on why I find it wrong to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress without being able to try said dress on first. The bridal shop lady said it was in my proper silhouette--empire waist. And it's me. But my mother has those motherly concerns that it might make me look pregnant (UMMMM, it's 2009, I'm not pregnant, even if I was, it would be on my wedding day and anyone who would talk ish would be wierd), there was some discussion about sleeveless, to which I say, I have found very few stores selling dresses with sleeves (another question--why no sleeves or really shoulder-covering styles for winter weddings? What do brides do getting in and out of the car if they have no sleeves? Freeze to death? Supposedly they're returning for spring 2010, but I will believe that when I see it.)
I have tried on other dresses. I tried on one in Pennsylvania that felt like a costume. Cathedral train, draping. Beautiful dress, and if I was 50 pounds thinner, 4inches taller, and able to tan, it would have been super cute. But I'm none of those things and, although the ability to handle elaborate formal dresses is among my numerous varied skillsets, that train was a bit much. One dress reminded me of a kilt--any dress where your mother looks at it and says, "Can you just have them take that little part off there?" is a no. A couple dresses didn't make it out of the dressing room.
I look at websites, I read reviews, I ponder how a dress will look against the church backdrop or photos. Would I love it 20 years from now. Can my hair be done to make the dress look right? I am not kidding when I tell you I have put more manhours into the selection of this dress than I put into researching either of the cars I've bought, or the college I went to. PUT TOGETHER.
So, was it any wonder that I had the worst wedding related nightmare last night? I was wearing my pretty dress. And I looked thin and pretty and bridal in it. I had a nice veil. We were attempting to put my hair up. Into some fancy bridal 'do. Into which it would not go. My friends, current and high school, all kept bobbing into try to fix it. And it would not go. At one point, someone attempted to do ringlets. I don't know about y'all, but, after a certain point of hair spray and messing with my hair, any attempts to apply a curling iron don't result in a curl, but rather a perfectly straight, board stiff section of hair. It looked so horrible and I was so upset. And it didn't help that everyone kept saying it looked alright and they were playing wedding music. I think I threw something. I don't know if it means anything, I don't know if I should just calm down, or should I pick another dress. Or should I just stop drinking iced tea before bed?