04 December 2009

I think the stress is getting to me

Totally off topic, but I think I've been thinking too much about this wedding.

I'm having dress anxiety. There is a dress I really love. I have not tried it on, because I am a great large fat person, and they do not have sample sizes that fit a great large fat person. DO NOT get me started on why I find it wrong to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress without being able to try said dress on first. The bridal shop lady said it was in my proper silhouette--empire waist. And it's me. But my mother has those motherly concerns that it might make me look pregnant (UMMMM, it's 2009, I'm not pregnant, even if I was, it would be on my wedding day and anyone who would talk ish would be wierd), there was some discussion about sleeveless, to which I say, I have found very few stores selling dresses with sleeves (another question--why no sleeves or really shoulder-covering styles for winter weddings? What do brides do getting in and out of the car if they have no sleeves? Freeze to death? Supposedly they're returning for spring 2010, but I will believe that when I see it.)

I have tried on other dresses. I tried on one in Pennsylvania that felt like a costume. Cathedral train, draping. Beautiful dress, and if I was 50 pounds thinner, 4inches taller, and able to tan, it would have been super cute. But I'm none of those things and, although the ability to handle elaborate formal dresses is among my numerous varied skillsets, that train was a bit much. One dress reminded me of a kilt--any dress where your mother looks at it and says, "Can you just have them take that little part off there?" is a no. A couple dresses didn't make it out of the dressing room.

I look at websites, I read reviews, I ponder how a dress will look against the church backdrop or photos. Would I love it 20 years from now. Can my hair be done to make the dress look right? I am not kidding when I tell you I have put more manhours into the selection of this dress than I put into researching either of the cars I've bought, or the college I went to. PUT TOGETHER.

So, was it any wonder that I had the worst wedding related nightmare last night? I was wearing my pretty dress. And I looked thin and pretty and bridal in it. I had a nice veil. We were attempting to put my hair up. Into some fancy bridal 'do. Into which it would not go. My friends, current and high school, all kept bobbing into try to fix it. And it would not go. At one point, someone attempted to do ringlets. I don't know about y'all, but, after a certain point of hair spray and messing with my hair, any attempts to apply a curling iron don't result in a curl, but rather a perfectly straight, board stiff section of hair. It looked so horrible and I was so upset. And it didn't help that everyone kept saying it looked alright and they were playing wedding music. I think I threw something. I don't know if it means anything, I don't know if I should just calm down, or should I pick another dress. Or should I just stop drinking iced tea before bed?


LoneStar said...

Proper blog post title - "I think the DRESS is getting to me!"

Your poor thing! Have you considered looking at dress patterns and having someone make you a nice dress? You can look at formal dress patterns, too, and have them made in white. A cousin did that after looking at wedding dresses made her "want to run naked down the street screaming." She, too, had a winter wedding and didn't want to wear a sleevless or strapless dress in the winter.

Also, there may be places in your area that rent wedding dresses.

I went with my best friend to numereous shops for weeks on end and watched her try on what seemed like 100s of dresses. Oh my! When my turn came, I borrowed her dress! (I'm not picky, hers fit me, I'll always look short, and I was SO glad I didn't have to go look for a dress.)

Find something you feel pretty in. Don't worry about your weight (although I don't think you look "fat" from the pictures you've posted of yourself). Don't think, "I'm a fat bride." Think, "I'm getting married to my beloved and HE thinks I'm beautiful."

When you do find "the dress," make sure and post a picture!

Lisa (Texan)

Annie said...

I'd forget the dream, but all your concerns are legitimate. You want to look perfect on that special day and the dress is the focal point. I don't think you are the first bride to experience dress stress. At some point you will find just the right thing and anyway, all brides are beautiful!

riona said...

I wish I could come down and make you a nice cup of tea, hold your hand and murmur soothing noises ... but since that is not possible, I can only say "Take a deep breath and repeat after me: I will be a lovely bride no matter what dress I choose and the right dress will appear soon, very soon. All I need to do is relax and all that needs to happen will happen."

Siobhan said...

I like what Lisa said! I had more meat on my bones than the average bride, too--but I think what the industry thinks is average is a size 4, and I've never been a 4 unless it had another number in front of it! Go with the style that you think suits you. My friend got married a year after me & she was at least my size. She wore a mermaid style sheath dress. My husband still talks about how bad a choice it was for her--all you saw was her stomach poking out. Remember that there are numerous 'instruments' to help you suck in the extra weight. The bridal shop that I used had me fully sucked and tucked. I felt like I might explode by the end of the night but I felt good about myself. I wouldn't worry about the style being timeless. Think about the wedding pics you've seen from the 70s & 80s, for example... they all thought their dresses were perfect but I'm sure you can pick what decade they're from w/o a problem. For a winter wedding, maybe think about a faux fur stole? That's if it's sleeveless.

All those are just patches. My SIL's sister is larger than me--than I am now, which is bigger than I was at my wedding. She wore a sleeveless dress & was absolutely radiant, because she was marrying the man that she loves and he thought she was the most beautiful person he's ever seen. Just remember that you are doing the same. Hang in there!

Oh, and as for the dreams/nightmares, mine was that I was going to trip going up the aisle & slide on my backside to the altar, propelled by the fabric on my dress. Yeah. It's a wonderful time but very stressful. Hang in there!

Cindy said...

Just remember...all that really matters in the end is you and your sweetie and happily ever after. I'm sure that you will find your perfect dress when you are least expecting it :)

Rachael said...

I think when buying your Dress should be a happy time, stop worrying an enjoy looking at all those pretty dresses. Isn't there a shop near you that has up sizes in store.I was a UK size 18 when I got married and I was worried about the size,but when I found my dress all that went away(plus I wore a sexy corset to pull the bits in place lol)I had chiffon sleeves on my dress maybe you could see if a dress maker could add them if your dress when you find it hasn't got any.

Meari said...

YES! You need to calm down and not let it get to you. If not drinking ice tea before bed works, I'd so go for that too. ;-)

I think every bride wants their day to be perfect. When I think back to mine -- which turned out to be a total nightmare -- but I digress and won't go there, lol. One does have to wonder why there are no sleeved gowns for winter weddings!

Just remember... It's *just* a dress. A dress doesn't make the marriage -- but I do know you probably want everything to be perfect and want to feel like a princess. Still, it's just a dress :) I like the idea of having one custom made. :)

I don't think you look 'fat' either! Good luck on finding the dress. :)

Pumpkin said...

You may need to step back and take a breath and stop thinking so hard about it. I know for me, the dress was the EASIEST thing about my wedding! LOL! Everything after that was total chaos and I gave the reins over to my mother. I know the perfect dress will appear when you least expect it :o)

I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped--Frederick Perls