31 August 2011

No stitching last night

I was over at my in-laws with my mom, looking at wedding photos. She has never seen the pictures, due to our computer issues. She had fun looking at them, though. We went through every shot, I found some really fun ones that weren't good enough for Facebook, but were still really good. I think I could make a whole post of getting ready. I started counting, and at one point, there were 3 bridesmaids and my other friend attempting to get me shoved into the wedding dress. I still don't know what the problem was, the dress fit, LOL.

I finished one of the ornaments for my partner for the Christmas ornament exchange. I think I am going to stitch 3 of them for her, then do 3 for myself. I Facebooked the lady who finished some ornaments for me for last Christmas and she said she'd do the finishing, so hopefully, I can have those out the door to her this weekend.

I placed the order for the JCS Halloween book. It shipped yesterday, so hopefully it will be here this weekend as well. I can't wait to see this one. From what I've been told, it's really good and I want to stitch from it!

29 August 2011

My WIP and finishes

This computer is making a world of difference! The old desktop wouldn't even have finished booting up and I've already uploaded photos! And it was easy as pie to set up. I was online in 5 minutes after the battery charged. Pretty good for non-tech-savvy me. Anyway . . . I can now update the blog from anywhere, and I think that is pretty stinkin' cool. It's time we blow the dustbunnies out of the corners, get to showin' some stitchin' and get back to bloggin'.

This is my most recent update on CItA. I think it's looking really good and Part 3 stitches up so quickly.

I put it down to get some other things stitched, but it won't be for long.

This is the finished "Brave Hearts." You'll have to forgive the wrinkles on it. Left-brain is downstairs, lifting weights and listening to Carmina Burana, so ironing is out of the question, and, after all, I think we've all got a few more wrinkles after the last 5 days, don't you?

I'm going to get it ironed and properly framed. The most important thing is that it's complete, in time to honor those who died on and as a result of September 11th.

Lastly, here is my little piece for Beazer.

I gave him a tongue. He is looking at food, after all!

Left-brain says it doesn't look much like him, but I think you can see a vague resemblance between that and his picture here:

I wasn't sure if the pinstripe fabric would work for this, but, in the end, it looks good, at least I think so. I'm pleased with it. Not a fancy project that is going to change the world, but it's pretty cute.

I'm going to start working on my scissor crypts this week too. I am making one for myself to practice my technique. I know I am going to have to alter the design a little because my crypts "talk", so I'm trying to decide how to cover the voice mechanism. I may have to have Left-brain weigh in on this. I'm also going to work on my ornaments for the ornament exchange. I really want to be on the ball this year and have everything ready early, so getting those done is a priority.

Thank you again for thinking of us here on the East Coast during the storm. I know people are complaining about the storm being over-hyped, but it wasn't exactly fun to go through, even this far inland. I am glad for the warnings we received. We did get some bad news; we had planned to spend our anniversary at Camp Hatteras, where we spent our honeymoon. Til we found out the road was washed out in several places. Left-brain was hopeful they could fix it in time, but they can't, not in six weeks, so we've regrouped, and I'm praying for the people that live in the area and depend on tourism for a living. I also found out that the wild ponies on Assateague weathered the storm. At least the Chincoteague herd did, no news yet on the Maryland herd, but I would imagine we'd have heard something by now if it was something bad. It probably sounds odd that I do worry so much about wild animals that would kick me and steal my chips given the chance, but I do, I guess I don't want my "perfect place" ruined. I will continue to pray for those in the Northeast who are still feeling the effects of the storm. We'll get through this together.


28 August 2011

Goodbye, Irene

Irene is leaving us this morning. So far, it was not too bad for us. It started blowing and raining at around noon, when I decamped to my mother's house. It didn't get too bad here til 9PM, when the wind really picked up. Robbie spent the evening barking at the wind (this must be something genetic with Schipperkes, all of my Schips have had the wierd habit of spinning, goggle-eyed around, stiff-legged jumping, barking at NOTHING, after a while, it gets a bit . . . tedious.). Chancey just gave him a look, but she was doing it this morning, so . . .

My mom's house seemed to weather the storm OK. There were some branches down; I stacked those as best I could. We never lost power, which is AMAZING considering she has PEPCO--if you've ever lived in the DC area and had the misfortune to go through a storm, you'll understand, it doesn't take much to lose power with them. We did lose cable, and her air conditioner didn't seem to work right, but I can go without cable to have power.

Especially because Left-brain texted me at 2:15 to tell me the steps on our deck were gone. A branch came down and took them out. He was OK with it, though. Better the steps than for it to come through the roof. And we need to replace the deck anyway. Once I heard that, I didn't feel like sleeping. So I sat up and read, and stitched. I finished my Beazer picture while I was sleepless. It looks OK. I even managed to put his hip-heart on there. It's not a masterpiece, but it's pretty stinking cute! I will post a picture later. I can do this now. Left-brain bought me a new laptop and it's so much nicer than the old PC.

26 August 2011

Hurricane Irene

As I write, Hurricane Irene is churning its way towards the East coast. Most of the places I love are threatened or will be under a hurricane warning by tomorrow. Assateague Island, Ocean City, the Outer Banks, even the family cottage on the Choptank River, all are threatened. My aunt works at a big box home improvement store in Virginia Beach; even though she lives inland, she's had a busy couple of days, not what she expected when she took the job in the garden department. My parents are travelling to Pennsylvania for a family reunion; I already told them that, if it looks like it might be bad, they are not to come home. I'm staying with the Mongrel Horde for the weekend, and to watch over the house. I'm worried; a lot of the neighborhoods right outside DC are old with very mature trees, and high wind and big trees don't mix. I lived in my mother's house (then my gramma's house) during Isabel in 2003, and it was very humbling, and we breathed a prayer that the large pine tree by the house would stay up. I'm going to pray extra hard that it does that this time.

One of the parts of my job as an flood insurance underwriter that I've had to accept is that my job exists because of hurricanes and the like. One of the ways I think we cope is to distance ourself from what they actually mean on a basic level. Because it's not us that are affected. But we might be this time . . . . I worry about the people who refuse to leave; the lady at Salty Yarns in Ocean City is not evacuating. I worry about the wild ponies and the deer on Assateague and Corolla, I know they have a bred-in sense and know where to go to stay safe, and I do think that the dense shrubbery helps them, but still, it troubles me.

One of my former boyfriends once said hurricanes are the price you pay for life on the coast. 364 days a year, it's beautiful. This weekend may be the days it's not.

25 August 2011

Lesson for the day

Pitbulls are not easy to stitch.

I'm almost done with my piece for Beazer, though I did have to actually use his real name in it for the sake of posterity. There is a cute little brown dog at the bottom. I decided to change it into a brown and white dog.

You would not believe the questions Left-brain and I have asked each other. Here is a sampling.

"Is Beazer's tail white or brown?"
"Brown. He has a brown tail."
"Are you sure?"
"Let me let him in." From the kitchen, "Beazer has a white tail."
"You've owned him since he was a puppy and you don't know what color tail he has? Are you serious?"

We've repeated this with his ears (he has two brown ears, we discovered), and his legs (all are white, no brown on those legs!), and his back end is brown on top, white on the bottom with a little heart-shaped spot to remind us Beazer is WUV. Unless you're his stuffed toys or a water bottle. The poor dog has been poked and inspected like a show dog. And he has tolerated it like a champ, asking only for a peanut . . . or two . . . or four. I'm hoping to have him replicated, as close as I can without going tooo far (and, basically, I'm there now), and have the piece finished by the weekend. Fortunately, the companion piece is a yellow tabby, sono changes need to be made to that. I'm glad--whew!

24 August 2011

The day that rocked our world (and not in a good way)

I am sure most of us have heard of the earthquake that hit the East Coast yesterday. Designer Sue Hillis lives not far from the epicenter and shared, via 123stitch, her experience.

I was at my desk at work a little before 2. Suddenly there was this "growl"--not quite a rumble, but a growl, and the room shook. It wasn't like you see in the movies, more like a rocking, rolling, skipping motion. The best I can describe it as is when you hit a really rough patch of torn-up street and your car shakes and shimmies. Only our ground here in Maryland is supposed to stay put. And it didn't. It moved my chair, with my big butt in it across my cubicle. My other co-worker came busting out of the break room, asking if we'd felt that.

It's funny how the mind works. My co-worker thought the construction workers dropped something on the roof. I figured there was an accident on the highway, which is less than half a mile away. Because . . . our ground is supposed to stay put. We did not assume it was a terrorist attack, despite how close we are to DC; for the ground to shake like that, it would have had to have been a HECK of an attack, and it looked OK outside. We will assume anything but the obvious.

Because our ground . . . does not move like that. It does not growl. It does not shake for 15 seconds.

And that was when the unease kicked in. I tried to call my MIL, who is baby-sitting our niece and nephews this week, and couldn't get through. I got a hold of Left-brain, who, of course, thought I was kidding. He didn't feel it. Neither did the co-worker who was out for a walk. But we all left the office when we saw the government employees leaving. We stood out there for 5 minutes, then came back in. I called my mom; she said she was OK, that they were out to lunch when it occurred. My dad apparently thought it was the restaurant manager playing a trick on them, til he saw my mom's face. In a way I'm glad they were sitting down when it happened; my dad uses a walker and it was pretty strong.

And that was the point when the police officer told us to evacuate the building. I started panicking that my co-workers would leave me, but they stayed. My boss sent us home for the rest of the day. Apparently they were concerned about aftershocks and wanted to check the building. I got home, couldn't hear Beazer, and got worried that something had fallen over in the garage and hurt him. When I opened the door, though, he gave me a "What are YOU doing home?" look, but he was pretty clingy the rest of the afternoon. I don't know if it was the earthquake or the fact that I had an open container of peanuts, and he loves them, but he wouldn't leave my side til his daddy got home. I was jittery for a while, with an unpleasant feeling, like something had been shaken up inside me. I guess it was my sense of well-being that took a hit. I feel better today.

Everyone seems to be alright. There was some damage in Baltimore. I am heartsick at the knowledge that the National Cathedral was damaged. I was lucky enough to attend services there 4 years ago, and it was the most beautiful, reverential place; I felt the presence of a higher power in the Cathedral, and I feel so blessed to have it in my diocese. I actually started crying a bit to think that it was damaged, after all those years of work, but I am trying to focus on the blessing that no one was hurt. Stone can be recut to patch a hole in a building; there is nothing to hide the hole left by a life taken.

They are saying it was a 5.9 earthquake. I hope I never experience a worse one. I'm sure people out West think we're just over-reacting, but I would rather do a hurricane than to be shaken. Though, not to be too "ha-ha" about it, but we have one of those coming through this weekend as well. Oh, well. This is life.

23 August 2011

The best-laid plans

Thank you for all your supportive comments on this sorting party. I'm trying really hard to make positive changes and this is a good bit of them.

I came home last night and went pretty much right to work in the garage. Left-brain started cooking dinner. We got an electric skillet as a wedding gift, and, even though he didn't like it at first, since he couldn't figure out why we needed such an item (I, on the other hand, couldn't figure out how he'd gotten to the age of 41 and NOT used it, but then again, he doesn't come from the Crisco school of cooking like I did, LOL), he has really taken to it. We eat a lot of bacon now, because "it cooks so quick in this." He had the windows open, since it was a gorgeous late-summer day here in Crazyville, and it was kind of cute to sit on the front steps, hear him chatting to the dog and smell bacon wafting out.

I went through more boxes last night. I condensed two book boxes, found my old journals, read the one that I was using around 9/11 for a while and found myself remembering that time. I went through two bags of old bills, and shredded those, and of course, found stash stuffed everywhere. Let me tell you, that is getting annoying. But 2 boxes are off "the pile", a bag of clothes is about ready to go (I just need to wash it to make sure it's nice for whoever gets it), and my books are getting together.

The problem started when I tried to close the garage door. It wouldn't close. There was nothing blocking it. Apparently, when I pulled boxes out, I committed the cardinal sin of touching the cruddily-rigged wires and they came loose. Left-brain fixed it, because I'm not electrically-inclined (and I get frustrated easily), and he was not happy. The longer we're in this house, the more corners we find someone cut at some point prior to Left-brain buying it. There is a smidge of a pipe coming out of a wall, the doors onto the deck look like someone threw acid on them, or had a dog with talons who scratched it, someone filled holes in the banister with spackle instead of replacing them properly--spackled banister doesn't work terribly well, now this.

We got it back together, with a bit of humor still intact, and I decided I'm not working on that end this evening. I would be better served working on the end closest to the back of the room.

I started a small project, since I need a little break from CItA, and it was something I could take to the theatre to work on. It's a cute little design with a dog on it and a little poem. I'll post it when it's a little closer to being finished. I'm enjoying it; I'm reworking the dog to look more like Beazer and we'll have it framed with a photo of him, probably one of his more pathetic-looking pictures.

I didn't mention it, but I had to make the hard decision, again, this summer to not enter anything in the fair. I couldn't logistically make it happen, since I didn't want to run around, getting things framed cheaply, last minute, since that was the direction I seemed to be heading in, and there was no way to get it to the fairgrounds. I work halfway across the state from the state fairgrounds, and I don't have the leave to just roll up there. Normally my mom would have taken it if I couldn't, but the transmission in her car died, and she's been driving my brother's Jeep, and I don't want her out doing for me in a borrowed vehicle. It was not an easy choice for me to make. I apologize to those of you who wanted to see me enter. I feel like I let everyone down, but it fires my commitment. I know that I need to work on getting one piece a month framed; I think I can afford that, and I won't be so hassled at the last moment. And I need to work on becoming less afraid to frame on my own. I just need to sit down with a good tutorial, and a little confidence. I can do it.

22 August 2011

It's that time of year . . .

It's fall exchange season.

I don't do a lot of exchanges anymore. I don't think I'm that great a finisher, and I worry my stuff is not up to snuff, not next to those gorgeous finishes y'all come up with! But I'm trying to branch out fearlessly. Or at least I'm learning to pay people to finish beautifully for me.

Anyway, I found this tutorial a year ago. I just think it's really neat. Think how cute that would be with some of the new scissors that are out there for Halloween tucked in. When I found it, I couldn't find the little coffins at the craft store (I think it's amazing I have 4 or 5 craft store chains within 50 miles and nary a coffin was to be found when I was looking, but, on a day when I went in for something else, namely today, I found them), so I shelved it in my memory.

And waited.

And today, they had the coffins.

So I'm going to try this.

Probably not this weekend, though. My chore for the week is to go through every box in our garage and sort out what I want to keep. Some of the boxes are our seasonal decorations, but most of them are full of "cleaning debris." You know, that stuff that gets in the way when you have guests coming, so you chunk it in a box, stuff it away, and hope and pray that the pile doesn't fall while the guests are in the house? I have that pile. I also have a box of books I put in the corner when I moved in, and haven't opened since. It's time to open the box. Left-brain does have to move one of his "big-boy" toys, but he knows I need it moved. We are starting a "library" in the theatre box office, since we all read, and so some of the books are going there, but the ones I know we've read, or things they wouldn't like, those are going to Goodwill, along with a bunch of old clothes.

I did sort through two boxes of books last night. Some were pretty easy to decide to let go--I have tried and tried to read, "How the Irish Saved Civilization," but, so help me, I can't do it. I think I kept it so that I wouldn't feel shame at my lack of interest in my Irish roots, but I've had it this long and won't read it, so it went. Others were harder; "Water for Elephants" OK, but I had to ask myself if I liked it enough to ever re-read it, and it, sadly, didn't pass that test. So it's in the to-go box. I feel better. Plus, better to have 1 half-full box of books I am enthusiastic about than 2 fullish boxes of books I might not want.

Keep fingers crossed for me that I can keep my enthusiasm up for this.

17 August 2011

My mother's basement . . .

is an Aladdin's cave of wonders.

Most of which were put there by me.

I went over yesterday because we needed a step for the camper. Even the fold-down steps still leave quite a gap, and I worry about rolling my ankle in the dark and falling off the steps. We borrowed a step this weekend to prevent that from happening, but we can't always borrow. A new step is $80-$100. So I go to thinking because there are a lot better things I can spend $80 on than a step.

When I was young and stupid, I got into the Step workout craze. It didn't last long for me, but I did buy a Step at Play It Again Sports. For $20. It ended up being a very nice cat perch, not so good for the workout. And it's been in the basement for, um, 11 years. So I go to thinking, I could probably use that one. So I went down to get it.

It works perfectly. I know not to go crazy on it and it's going to be one of the last thing that gets set up so that we're not clomping up and down on it. It's a stop-gap measure. But I have to admit, I set it up in the driveway, and did a little step workout. I don't know if Left-brain was impressed, but, hey, it's $80 we don't have to find! Woo hoo!

I've gotten pretty much all of my stash out of my mom's house, so I've started bringing my books home. I discovered Amazon this year, and love it, but I realized that I have a lot of the books that they recommend for me, so I'm trying to gather in my collection, go through and divvy out the ones I don't want or didn't like, so that, one day, in the next house, when I have the library I dream about, it's full of the books that I love. I brought home Bag of Bones, by Stephen King, last night. I have had issues with this book in the past, but I'm hoping the third time's the charm with it. Otherwise, it goes to Goodwill. I also discovered I have not one, not two, but three copies of Jane Smiley's "Horse Heaven." I know I liked that book, but didn't know I liked it that much, LOL. I gave my mom one copy, and I'll probably do a giveaway on the extra. If anyone is interested, let me know.

I finished Brave Hearts finally. I realized it's been 6 weeks since I had a finish. That seems unbelievable to me, usually I'm a faster stitcher, but you can only go so fast when you rotate between a BAP and a project that runs out of floss. Oh, well. Since I'm focusing on UFOs, I should get some more finishes by the end of the year. I hope . . .

15 August 2011

Some updates

The computer is cooperating . . . for now.

This is the finished square for Primitive Needle Lisa's memorial quilt. I couldn't find the picture to show off when it was completed.

The wording is from the epitaph for Kathleen "Kick" Kennedy, and I think it is probably the nicest thing you could say about someone who has passed away. I hope our work gives her family a bit of solace. She is so missed.

I also finished Part 2 of CItA.

I started Part 3 on Wednesday night. It's moving surprisingly quickly. I love how she includes the stitch diagrams on the charts. It really helps to see how things are supposed to go, much easier than surfing the net for instructions. I betcha if she included turkeywork instructions, I wouldn't run screaming from them.

We spent the weekend in Gettysburg, camping. It was a relaxing time for me. We went on a ghost tour of the Jenny Wade home. Jenny was the only civilian casualty of the battle, shot in her sister's home while baking bread. The story of her death, and the family's struggle to survive, is fascinating. I enjoyed the tour, but I didn't see any ghosts, didn't have any creepy hap'nins. Left-brain kept sticking his finger in the bullet holes, and I kept expecting someone ghostly to bop him in the head, but no dice. Perhaps they found him intimidating? I feel so blessed that Gettysburg is so close to us, about 28 miles, so it's easy to get there, and it does have an other-worldly beauty to it. I plan on going back and taking a different tour, if not with the goal of seeing ghosts, just to find out more about that moment in American history.

I did take along Brave Hearts to work on. It rained on Saturday afternoon, so we were confined to the camper. I turned the TV on and stitched while Left-brain napped.(And yes, it might not be roughin' it to sit in a camper with a fridge, and cable TV, and screened windows, but we ARE on vacation, why make it a struggle to relax, LOL? I've washed my hair in the same bucket of water the horses drank out of, I got zippy to prove!)I am making good progress, and hope to have it finished this week. I will save the next picture update til it's finished.

I've been trying to be good here lately with my S.E.X. purchases. I stay off E-bay, and, when I do shop, if something catches my eye, it has to be something really special for me to buy it. I'm kind of proud of myself in that. I'd really like to start making dents in my UFO/WIP pile before the end of the year. I feel good that I've finished a few old projects this year, but there is so much more to do. I can pretty up the projects, put them in nice storage boxes, but they're still there. And buying new projects and starting them just doesn't feel right right now. Does anyone else feel this way? It's probably for the best, but it's a different place for me to be.

11 August 2011

I tried

I came home last night with my finished Part 2 of CItA, and went to upload the photos onto here, so I could share my progress, instead of having to just describe it, and, not only was Blogger freaking out, my computer decided that, although the Internet connection was good, it didn't want to get on the Internet. Apparently, I am not meant to share my stitching, at least not right now. ARRRRGGGHHHHHH! I hate this.

As I said, I have finished Part 2, so I started Part 3 last night. It's a much easier stitch so far; fewer specialty stitches, and no metallic. Whoot whoot. I hate that DMC metallic. A strong word, but I dislike it immensely. I like the effect, just not the delivery method.

I'm on the last day of my epic work marathon. 12 straight days of work has got me beat. I know other people do this for far longer, and, as a youngun with vet bills for three kittens and a puppy, I worked far longer stretches than this, but I'm a lot older than I used to be, so it's harder on me. But, when I was fighting to not fall back asleep this morning, I told myself I have tomorrow off, and my only tasks are to take my car for emissions testing, go to the grocery store, and relax for the rest of the weekend. One good thing, at least these extra hours have put me very close to being able to afford my computer. At least my panic attacks are for something.

I did get a lot of reading done over the time though.

Half-broke Horses has been in my "to-be-read" pile for a few months. I read The Glass Castle and found myself so angry at the parents that I gave the book away right away. And didn't regret it. But this was a much better book, with an interesting pioneer woman, Lily Casey Smith, the author's grandmother. It did help explain how the mom in the the other book got to be how she was, but I still don't want to ever read GC again.

Exes and Ohs is what I'm reading right now. The author was on an MTV reality show I never watched. I have no idea why I picked this book up, but it seemed interesting at the time. I had a few doubts about the author when I started reading her tales of dating in the big city, but, really, how could you leave a book with a line like, "It was just a few days before October 31, and none of my friends had come up with costumes yet. . . I suggested we go as a group of something. My top ideas were the Golden Girls . . . the A-Team, or Pete Wentz."(71). This in a chapter when she is questioning why she never got the memo that you're supposed to dress trampy for Halloween. It's definitely on the low-end of the memoirs I've read, and I admit, it's embarrassing to tote a book whose cover is emblazened with condoms (she has a store of Magnum condoms under her bed because she was hired to host parties for the company, and it freaks out her dates) to work, but it's actually a funny book, and I do see parts of my dating life in her stories. It's kinda nice to read that I wasn't the only one who ever went through those experiences. It's a fun, quick, summer read, perfect for August.

I'm going to try to work out this stupid computer issue, but if it doesn't work itself out soon, I sense a trip to Best Buy in my future.

09 August 2011

Your first peep!

This post discusses the JCS Ornament issue. It shows the cover of the new issue.I can't wait to get this one. I LOVE IT already. I have big plans for this!

Early favorites, at least here in Crazyville, are the squirrel, and the heart in the upper right hand corner. I love them. If the other ornaments are as good as the ones on the front, this will be a good issue!

I tell you, between the fabulous ornament preview issue, this issue, and the Halloween ornament issue, along with the promise of the Halloween book, this might be an ornamented fall!

05 August 2011

I don't feel so intimidated by anything in my stash

Someone posted this link:

All stitched.

And it only took two years to get it all together.

I am impressed.

And ashamed at my lack of progress on Summer Ball. We're going on year 5 of that one . . .

Kudos to those stitchers who took this. This is a masterpiece.

03 August 2011

Why there hasn't been a post in a few days

I feel ashamed to admit this, but, since I went back to working in an office, we have become stunningly lazy about housework. We do laundry, but other than a quick dash through, not much is getting cleaned. I realized it was bad last night when Beazer started licking the floor in the kitchen. Nothing had dropped on the floor that I remembered, but he was licking away like a kid with a lollipop. Either he's losing it or our floors are a cesspool of neglect. I'm not sure whether I felt more like a bad mother for letting my step-dog lick the floor, or a bad wife for letting the floor get to the point where the dog wanted to lick it.

Have I mentioned the family is coming over on Saturday for Left-brain's mom's birthday?

We've been running around, making semi-neat stacks of things, hiding other things, announcing to each other that various important documents are in the office. I'm almost at the point of shoving things under my side of the bed, though, to be honest, I always shove things under my side of the bed, and it's getting full under there.

I have put away most of my wayward stitching. By "put away", it's been carried into the laundry room and garage temporarily. My new mantra is that, if I want to have S.E.X., I'm going to go heft the LL Bean tote bag with a stack of magazines in it that I want to stitch from. I think that should end any cravings I have.

I still have a half-completed necklace on the dining room table. I have a feeling if it disappears into the sewing room, it's not coming back out intact.

Speaking of which, Left brain asked if I was going to clean up the sewing room. I looked at him. We'll just lock that door.

I'm hoping to have most of the stuff done tonight. We'll save the floors for last--it's kind of pointless to clean those too early, since Beazer drools.

Hopefully I have time to upload a few quick pictures.
I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped--Frederick Perls