Followers

28 July 2010

Throwing in the towel

I realize now I won't have the pandas done for the county fair. I am trying, but it's not happening. Not in the next two weeks, not if I want to have it look halfway decent. There is too much else to do. Too much running, too much folding, too much everything else, too many balls in the air, and people standing around, waiting til I have them halfway under control to fire another one at me. I don't know if I'll have anything done. I worked on the ring pillow last night, but I still have to stitch the back and who knows how long that will take. If I try really hard, I'll have the treasure box ready, but that's a big if.

I thought I could do this.

I feel like I let myself down.

I know it's not that important in the grand scheme of things. At work yesterday, I found out a former co-worker was killed by a man fleeing the police. He had baggies of marijuana in his car and hit her car. She was 25 years old, engaged; we looked at wedding dresses together, and chatted about our pitbulls, because it is an oddity for two young businesswomen to have pits. She died for a few ounces of pot. He was trying to avoid a possession charge, and now he's facing negligent homicide. Her biggest pet peeve was people who spelled her name wrong; how downright crappy that the paper misspelled her name in the article about her death? My boss was crying. What do you say to comfort someone when the loss is so pointless? So needless? Somehow saying she is in a better place feels trite--she wasn't in a bad place here, she was just living her life on a summer Sunday, driving her car. I put my head down and cried; no young, vibrant, lovely girl deserves to die like that. Or her mother to have to hear that her child is gone. Or the police officer who had to let them know, he didn't start out that day to see the end of someone's life and to see and hear the pain of the loss. HTB wonders why I am so adamant that one of us never leaves the house without me telling him that I love him. This is why.

10 comments:

Vonna said...

There's always next year for the Panda's to win best of show....I had to do the same thing myself this year. You'll mop up the awards, next year and the win will be sweeter.

You have my deepest most sincere sympathy on the loss of your friend. I lost a 19 year old brother in a car crash last year. I understand. But saying she's in a better place isn't trite in my opinion. We can't explain the why and the how, but your friend can, because she knows now. The pain of loss is heart wrenching, please know that we all care. Celebrate your friends life, she won't be forgotten because she touched lives while here.

Bette said...

Rachel, I'm so sorry about your friend. You're right, she didn't deserve that. Unfortunatly, life isn't fair and bad things happen to really good people. And my DH and I always tell each other we love each other when leaving. So you're not alone in that practice. And as far as the pandas are concerned, there's always next year. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are one person and you can only do so much.

Annie said...

The story of your friend is so sad. Some things just don't seem fair and that is surely one of the un-fairest.

The panda piece will be beautiful when it's finished and I wouldn't worry about missing the fair with this one. You have a lot on your plate right now so just take a big breath and do what has to be done.

valerie said...

Sorry to hear of your friend Rachel. It's sad that death a lot of the time is pointless and could have been avoided. But remember the happy moments. She would have wanted you to focus on that instead of the sad.

Don't be hard on yourself with the fair. You've got lots coming up with the wedding. There is always next year!

Here's something to make you laugh. My word verification is "clepto". ?? So weird!

Meari said...

I don't even know your coworker, and this makes me so sad :(

To make it easier on yourself, why not just put a satin fabric on the back of your pillow?

Hang in there. I know how it is with lots of balls in the air.

Vicky said...

Rachel, the pandas will still be there next year and I am so sorry about your work friend.

mbroider said...

OMG< that is so sad dear.... Such a loss, for nothing...

Raven/Missy said...

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It is such a waste.

I also make sure whenever one of us leaves the house and before we go to sleep that I tell DH I love him. Even if we are angry with each other, I still tell him I love him when he leaves or we go to bed. Should anything happen to one of us, I want the last thing I said to him to be that I love him.

Carol said...

Oh, Rachel, I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend's senseless death. I'm afraid I really struggle with why things like this happen to the good and innocent people of the world.

Sending you a hug--you have so much going on in your life right now...

Pumpkin said...

That's terrible! Why did it have to be her? Why did there have to be someone killed at all? Just for drugs :o( I'm sad to hear this Rachel. Sending ((((HUGS)))).

I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped--Frederick Perls