The task of cleaning the house has started. We spent yesterday afternoon going through boxes in the garage and moving the ones that we don't think we will need any time soon to the storage unit. I know the clutter needs to go so a new buyer can see how the space works for them, but it's still hard to see my stuff loaded up and taken away. I get an idea of how hoarders feel when they see their belongings taken away. I did tell Left-brain I was NOT, IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM, allowing my wedding dress to be put in storage. He tried to tell me it would be OK because there are rafters to hang it from, but NO. My mother's wedding dress got ruined by being stored in less than desirable conditions, and I will not have that happen to my beautiful dress. I'll make room in the closet or store it at my brother's house, but it is NOT going to the storage unit.
I did have a bit of a meltdown when confronted with the amount of stash I have in boxes in that garage. I return to this topic fairly frequently, I know, but, before, I never had all of it in front of me, and it, quite honestly, annoyed me to see what I have chosen to spend my money on for all these years. And to think that I chose to put it in boxes and shove it in the garage instead of using it . . . shame on me. Now there are things I would much rather use the money for, and it's sitting in plastic bins. I told Left-brain even if I tried to sell it, I wouldn't get the money out of it . . . and would be mad about that too.
I know the forces that led me to be this way. I was single for so long, and so not happy about it, that I chose to spend money to try to buy happiness (when what I really should have done was stop tolerating pi$$-poor behavior from men well before I did). And I figured because I didn't drive an expensive car, didn't wear expensive clothes or shoes, didn't party, and stayed with my gramma to take care of her, I deserved to spend the money on stash. And it wouldn't have been so bad if I'd. Just.Used.It. At least a car I could have driven. And shoes I could have worn.
But, really, I'm getting tired of kicking myself for past slips in judgement. The question is: How do we move forward? And that's been something that I'm working on. At least I'm not continuing to buy, not like I was; mostly I've been buying floss and fabric, really the only stuff I've bought in a year was the stuff I used my Christmas gift cards for. There are times when I'd like to go to the LNS and shop, but then I realize I'm not shopping because I NEED something, I would be shopping because I want . . . and now is the not the time to want.
And I did consolidate some boxes--thank God Left-brain is strong, some of them like to stagger him when he was carrying them out to the van. I didn't have the heart to tell him there is a really heavy one in the office that he's going to need the dolly for. And, because he asked nicely, and because it is a reasonable request that moves us forward to having a home with a nice yard for my daughter to play in (and anything that makes her smile gives me more joy than anything else), I created my ONE box of stash that gets to stay at the house til it's sold and we move. It's not a small box, and I reserve the right to purchase fabric and floss as needed without argument, but it's ONE box, crammed with a lot of stuff. If I can work through that box, I can do pretty much anything!