13 April 2014

The cold hard truth . . .

The task of cleaning the house has started. We spent yesterday afternoon going through boxes in the garage and moving the ones that we don't think we will need any time soon to the storage unit. I know the clutter needs to go so a new buyer can see how the space works for them, but it's still hard to see my stuff loaded up and taken away. I get an idea of how hoarders feel when they see their belongings taken away.  I did tell Left-brain I was NOT, IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM, allowing my wedding dress to be put in storage. He tried to tell me it would be OK because there are rafters to hang it from, but NO.  My mother's wedding dress got ruined by being stored in less than desirable conditions, and I will not have that happen to my beautiful dress. I'll make room in the closet or store it at my brother's house, but it is NOT going to the storage unit.

I did have a bit of a meltdown when confronted with the amount of stash I have in boxes in that garage. I return to this topic fairly frequently, I know, but, before, I never had all of it in front of me, and it, quite honestly, annoyed me to see what I have chosen to spend my money on for all these years. And to think that I chose to put it in boxes and shove it in the garage instead of using it . . . shame on me.  Now there are things I would much rather use the money for, and it's sitting in plastic bins. I told Left-brain even if I tried to sell it, I wouldn't get the money out of it . . . and would be mad about that too.

I know the forces that led me to be this way. I was single for so long, and so not happy about it, that I chose to spend money to try to buy happiness (when what I really should have done was stop tolerating pi$$-poor behavior from men well before I did). And I figured because I didn't drive an expensive car, didn't wear expensive clothes or shoes, didn't party, and stayed with my gramma to take care of her, I deserved to spend the money on stash. And it wouldn't have been so bad if I'd. Just.Used.It. At least a car I could have driven. And shoes I could have worn.

But, really, I'm getting tired of kicking myself for past slips in judgement. The question is: How do we move forward? And that's been something that I'm working on. At least I'm not continuing to buy, not like I was; mostly I've been buying floss and fabric, really the only stuff I've bought in a year was the stuff I used my Christmas gift cards for. There are times when I'd like to go to the LNS and shop, but then I realize I'm not shopping because I NEED something, I would be shopping because I want . . . and now is the not the time to want.

And I did consolidate some boxes--thank God Left-brain is strong, some of them like to stagger him when he was carrying them out to the van. I didn't have the heart to tell him there is a really heavy one in the office that he's going to need the dolly for. And, because he asked nicely, and because it is a reasonable request that moves us forward to having a home with a nice yard for my daughter to play in (and anything that makes her smile gives me more joy than anything else),  I created my ONE box of stash that gets to stay at the house til it's sold and we move. It's not a small box, and I reserve the right to purchase fabric and floss as needed without argument, but it's ONE box, crammed with a lot of stuff. If I can work through that box, I can do pretty much anything!


stitchersanon said...

It is so easy to shop in order to raise those happy hormones and make us feel better. I think it is a bit like eating, for people who comfort eat. I used to say lets go out, and then would end up in a shopping centre simple because it is so easy to end up there. I dont do that anymore, mainly because I live in Ireland and there are no shopping centres near me unlike in the Uk where there were loads. And I cant afford to buy stuff online very often. It has made me sit down and re-adjust my needs in what makes me happy and why I needed to shop. You will get there. Good luck xx

VegasJilly said...

We just purchased and moved into our home in January. With the cost of a mortgage AND daycare, it's been a struggle. And I think of my "younger days" and I'm like, you were an idiot. What were you thinking buying all that dumb crap?! Where is your money now?! It can be very stressful and difficult to move forward. Best of luck searching for your new home!

riona said...

You are making wise choices now and that is all that counts. As you know, I have been stitching from stash for two years now for a similar reason ... a gradual adjustment to the retirement lifestyle that is coming soon. I too, will want to spend my money differently: traveling to see my grandchildren and to places I have always dreamed of seeing. So, I say, go for it. Leave the guilt behind and simply move forward.

Jennifer said...

Count me in the "Wish I didn't spend my money on...." Club. I think we all have regrets, at least a few, about what we've spent money on. At least with your stash, it wasn't some cheap plastic made in China crap that clutters up your house or ends up in the garbage. While you wish you saved your money, you do have to think about the value of your stash and that you still have the ability to DO something with it. It still has value, you can still bring joy to someone with it. And the best you can do is to be far pickier going forward, but don't beat yourself up about what's already done.

Robin said...

Oh Rachel, been there and done that. You can't change your past spending habits, so let it go and move forward. It sounds like you are you are moving in the right direction.

Robin in Virginia

I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped--Frederick Perls